San Diego, We've Got a Problem

Patty is going to have to change her limerick. I had a conversation today with the deputy in charge of the grounds and it appears our pests are not gophers.

“No,” Deputy Ayala says, “these are not gophers, they’re ground squirrels”.

“How can you tell?” I ask.

“Because when it pops up and you see a ground squirrel, it’s a ground squirrel, and when you see a gopher, it’s a gopher.”

Honest to God, that was his word for word answer.

“Well, how do you know we have ground squirrels?”

“Because I saw a ground squirrel”.

I was curious how Ayala was going to approach the gradual disintegration of our property since these critters seemed to be taking over the place. Indeed, the perimeter patrol deputy reported near injury stepping into one of these guy's holes.

“We don’t exactly have a policy and procedure for this. Truthfully, I’d just like to bring in my .22 and take care of this”.

He wondered why weren’t the cats taking care of this problem. I asked whether he had taken a look at the jail cats lately. Chasing squirrels for dinner is low on the priority list for fat cats.

Later in the day another deputy commented the ground squirrels weren’t as bad as the dozen skunks that took up residence on grounds five years ago. Apparently they were aggressive and confrontational with the perimeter patrol. "The place was pretty smelly for a while."

Like any good Googler these days, I checked online to see what these guys look like and some interesting information came up. Not only are they hard to get rid of, seems they nest and reproduce in their tunnels in the spring. I think we have a problem.

Ode to Kathie's Gophers

Well actually, it's a limerick. Sonnjea's got me thinking in limerick meter now, too - bless her!

The jail yard’s all dug up by gophers.
Bill Murray asks, “Where are my soakers?”
Arnie says, “Stop it, your jerk!
We’ll put ‘em to work,
‘Cause these guys are surely no loafers!”

I obviously need help.

Tunneling North of the Border

Think there’s a tunneling problem only at the Border? Guess again.

I work in a jail. Most modern jails are concrete high rises. Our jail houses 700-800 inmates in single level structures on several acres of semi-arid land, surrounded by landscaping, flowers, and lawn maintained by inmate workers. It’s a woman’s jail. Women do that kind of thing, even when locked up.

Escape attempts out of the jail are not uncommon. Inmates scheme to get a paramedic run to the hospital, bolt for open gates, try to climb razor-wired fences.


But now we have a new phenomenon. Gophers -- trying to get into jail. In the last two weeks a gang of gophers tunneled under the walls and razor wire into our San Diego jail which will remain unnamed for security reasons.

Other illegals have taken up residence with us. The raccoon family who learned to navigate the razor wire to get into the chow hall at night. A few, now fat, homeless cats -- who knows how they got in? .


And now the gopher invasion. At first only a few holes and tell-tale hillocks were evident.


Now, hundreds of hillocks and holes dot the jail landscape. The sheriff seems at a loss how to handle these guys. Trustee workers rake over the hillocks and every morning even more appear. These guys are inviting their friends! Can’t build a wall to keep them out -- our governor knows that doesn’t make for good relations. Can’t shoot them -- no firearms allowed in the jail. The dogs? That won’t work unless the gophers smell like drugs. Pepper spray down the holes? Call out the Tactical Team? Set up a guest worker program?

What to do?