Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Tunneling North of the Border

Think there’s a tunneling problem only at the Border? Guess again.

I work in a jail. Most modern jails are concrete high rises. Our jail houses 700-800 inmates in single level structures on several acres of semi-arid land, surrounded by landscaping, flowers, and lawn maintained by inmate workers. It’s a woman’s jail. Women do that kind of thing, even when locked up.

Escape attempts out of the jail are not uncommon. Inmates scheme to get a paramedic run to the hospital, bolt for open gates, try to climb razor-wired fences.

But now we have a new phenomenon. Gophers -- trying to get into jail. In the last two weeks a gang of gophers tunneled under the walls and razor wire into our San Diego jail which will remain unnamed for security reasons.

Other illegals have taken up residence with us. The raccoon family who learned to navigate the razor wire to get into the chow hall at night. A few, now fat, homeless cats -- who knows how they got in? .

And now the gopher invasion. At first only a few holes and tell-tale hillocks were evident.

Now, hundreds of hillocks and holes dot the jail landscape. The sheriff seems at a loss how to handle these guys. Trustee workers rake over the hillocks and every morning even more appear. These guys are inviting their friends! Can’t build a wall to keep them out -- our governor knows that doesn’t make for good relations. Can’t shoot them -- no firearms allowed in the jail. The dogs? That won’t work unless the gophers smell like drugs. Pepper spray down the holes? Call out the Tactical Team? Set up a guest worker program?

What to do?


Sonnjea B said...

This reminds me of Caddyshack! All those hillocks are amazing.

Kappa no He said...

Ha ha, I thought of Caddyshack too. I was going to say call Bill Murray!

Katharine said...

I can see a Netflix moment coming on.